Semptember 18, 2023

 

I'm feeling nostalgic tonight

So I was reminded of an old fandom, as one is. I was listening to music on autoplay and an old animatic came on I still remembered the words too, and I got to remembering... and now its 12:58 am, and i've been reading fanfiction about it for hours (and avoiding biology homework, haha).

6 years ago. 6 years ago I was eagerly waiting for a season three, watching shit that would make my parents' blood boil. Maybe that's why I liked it so much. It had profanities and horrible jokes. It made me feel emotions I hadn't felt before. Relation, maybe? The ability to relate to a fictional character. 6 years ago, man...

Thinking about the past is weird. I get this strange feeling in my heart, and I start to feel nauseous, but not in a way that makes we want to stop thinking about it, yknow? I feel bad. I feel good. And I feel really sad. Can you believe the time has passed? I'm no longer a kid. I'm an adult now. As much as one I can be, anyway. But...

I was once 12 years old. And I was convinced I wasn't gonna make it to 18, but at least I had media like this. Media I latched onto like a damn drown victim finding a piece of raftwood.

I think I'm going to rewatch the show tomorrow. Not tonight, its too late and I have school. But tomorrow evening, I want to rewatch it. I need to rewatch it. I think I'll cry-- scratch that, I'll definitely cry, but I think it will be good for me. I've already done it tonight, haha. Going down nostalgia holes got me going down a few more, actually, and some more music came on that reminded me of a second, older fandom from ~7 years ago, and I found some old videos on it and... yeah. I'm having feelings about them, haha.

Hey, future me? If you're reading this? It was Camp Camp. and Aphmau. Have fun going down another rabbit hole of remembrance, okay? And randos reading this-- I was young, alright?

Anyways, I need sleep now. I'm probably gonna stare at a wall for another hour, though, thinking about things. How life has changed. How I've changed. It's... strange, getting older. Good, but strange.

I love you. Goodnight.